About two years ago, I became obsessed with the idea of silvery, cascading curls. In hindsight, I was looking for more than just a change in hair color; I was looking for confidence. At the time, gray highlights were the answer to my insecurities of looking younger than my age.

That need for an external change led me to Ouidad’s flagship hair salon in New York City. At the time, I was interning for Hearst Magazines and attempting to figure out my place in the writing world. My birthday was around the corner, and I needed something to signal that I was 25 and ready to be taken “seriously.”

My first mistake was thinking that a simple makeover could drastically change how I viewed myself—that’s an internal job through and through. My second mistake was undergoing a physical change on the day of my birthday. (FYI: Never make such a drastic change to your appearance on a special day, especially when you don’t know how the results will turn out.)

After skipping the consultation—another bad decision—I went into the appointment with an unrealistic image of how my hair would turn out. I expected perfect gray, shimmery highlights with little to no damage. But in reality, I would end up leaving with something completely different. After 2+ hours in the salon chair, aqua blue and green swirls replaced my beautiful chestnut curls.

I could not believe my eyes. The stylist looked proudly at her creation and said, “Now people are definitely going to think you look younger than you are.” I was frozen in shock at her blatant comment, especially since I had previously told her how insecure I felt about not looking my age. I looked away from my reflection as she raked moisture creme throughout my splintered cerulean locks, all the while wishing and praying that the blue would miraculously turn into the gray highlights I wanted. The color was truly horrendous.

I couldn’t leave my hair this mermaid-like color, so I went to my local shop and picked up a box of Shea Moister’s Color Creme in Brown.

I ultimately had a better experience at DevaCurl’s Salon at their Soho location. A year or two later, after my disastrous experience at Ouidad, I wanted to get highlights again. This time, I opted for regular honey highlights. (I had learned from my mistake of going for drastic change too fast).

The experience was pleasantly different in many ways: my stylist had a very positive attitude and gave me a thorough explanation of how my hair would turn out; she asked me how I usually liked to style my hair; and she was patient when applying the color.

Although the highlights didn’t make a big impact on my look, I left the salon feeling happier and more like myself. It also made me aware of my pattern for needing a change in my appearance, as if that would precipitate a change within me.